Poems 4 Breakfast
Let’s Do Business is all about forging business relationships and having fun. Occasionally we have subs and guests visiting our group and one of our more regular visitors is Martin Westhorp of Quickfire Training. Often Martin will compose poems to replace the normal 60 seconds of the member he is substituting for – a fair exchange for breakfast!
You can find some recent examples of his expertise below – Enjoy!
We now have contributions from other visitors as well (again see below).
For Jackie Williams
Art for the Workplace
Well Jackie is not here today.
She decided she must go away.
She’s gone off to ski
So it’s now down to me
To reflect on her business. OK?
I thought I would give her a hand
By helping you folk understand
That through graphic design
On a wall or a sign
She can help re-inforce people’s brand.
There are numerous pictures that fit
In the offices where people sit.
If you’re into the groove
There’s room to improve.
Let’s face it, the wallpaper’s … rather dreary!
A “murial” colours the wall.
A tapestry hangs down the hall.
A triptych of fabric.
A banner that’s magic.
Our Jackie can furnish them all.
But she needs support from LDB
To find companies willing to see
That displaying fine art
Can gladden the heart
Of a manager or employee.
So here I must end this short rhyme.
The one thing I’m short of is time.
It needs a display
To finish today,
But I’m not showing any of mine!
for LDB, March 2018
For Amanda Jackson
Have you ever heard of Tigerfish
And wondered what they are?
Well stick around with me folks.
We need to talk “PR”!
Amanda is the Tiger
A cooler cat, there ain’t.
She’ll work with you so closely
Till she finds that she can paint …
A picture of your company
That you’re longing to reveal.
Impressing all your clients
And improve the way You feel.
Amanda is the Fishy too
Awash from stem to stern,
Immersed within your culture,
That’s the way she’ll learn …
The best way to present you
To a wider clientele,
Publish your accomplishments,
Awards and Projects. Well …
They say “no news is good news”.
That doesn’t always fit.
If you do not watch what comes out where
It could all turn out … quite problematic.
So if you have a story
That you want the world to know,
Catch yourself a Tigerfish.
Ready? Steady? Go!
for LDB, September 2017
For Anne Pearson
IFA & Financial Planning
I bring greetings from Anne Pearson. She’s not with us today.
She’s taken a short break, she’s packed the car and gone away.
A trip to France to view some lovely properties, I’m told,
‘Cos they’re searching for a place to put their feet up when they’re old.
Looking to the future, are you planning to retire?
Buy that house in France, or follow all you most desire.
Best review your pension if you wish to live abroad.
Savings and investments. How much risk can you afford?
Clear and simple language, that is what you can expect.
Chat things through with Anne, be clear on what you must protect.
The wife, the dog, the business, or the car, the boat, the homes.
Or it may just be your income, or a garden full of gnomes.
Vandals breaking windows, having fun with all their chums.
The photocopier suffers from one too many office bums.
The party, that was fun, but in the early morning haze
You find your main insurance cover lapsed in the last 2 days.
So check with your financial wiz to see that you’re OK
It’s better to know now than find out that you’re not next day.
You do not want your whole world to collapse around your ears.
‘Cos you and I both know that it could all end up in tears.
for LDB, March 2018
For Martin Broadhead
Well, our colleague and friend Martin B.
Is not here today, as you can see,
So I’ve got out of bed
And come here instead
To enjoy his nice breakfast and tea.
But his message I first must explain.
If your shredding is causing you pain
Turn to Martin, that man
Who’ll turn up with his van
And make you feel better again.
He’ll take all those papers away
And dispose of them for you each day.
If you want, he will leave
A box, where you can heave
A great wodge of stuff out of the way.
Tight security he will not duck
His intention is merely to succ…
… eed in all that he does
It gives him a buzz,
And he’s good at his job. It’s not luck!
He’s been around shredding for ever
Yet his fingers, not once did he sever
A digit or three
He’s a pro don’t you see,
And let you down? No! Martin? Never!
All that shredding I’m sure won’t be missed.
Call on MiniShred. I do insist.
It will simplify life.
Just go home to your wife.
Put your feet up, relax and get … yourself a nice glass of wine and a good meal.
for LDB, September 2017
For Gail Hull
As someone identified more by his tie,
Who better to represent Gail’s firm than I?
So Total Insignia at LDB
Has the dubious pleasure of a poem from me.
To get your brand known have it plastered on brollies.
Get your logo on keyrings, or tokens for trollies.
Epaulettes, lanyards, aprons, sports kit or bags,
Mugs, pens or cufflinks, even pennants or flags.
A special embroidered design is quite cool.
It’s a popular choice for a club or a school.
A cap badge or shirt badge, a label of sorts,
Or a blooming great patch on the bum of your shorts.
(perhaps substitute “side” for “bum” if publishing on the website)
Jumpers for winter, t-shirts for spring,
Teams that play football, choirs that sing,
Colourful neckwear. For ladies, a scarf.
Gentlemen’s ties? Something flashy? Not ‘alf!
Workwear or corporate, uniforms bright,
Seasonal garments, things for day or for night.
Sober or sombre, a badge that will fit
On an item to brighten depressing old kit.
So Gail can assist you. Just make a request.
From your socks to your beret, via trousers and vest.
Short, fat, skinny or tall –
TOTALINSIGNIA accommodates all.
for LDB, July 2018
For Graham Leather
New Level Results
Hello, I’m Martin standing in for Graham who
Is away today. No doubt he’s coaching someone new.
He informed me late last week that his intention was to seek
A person who could deputise, and be his substitu … te.
Now, do you want to raise your business profile, or reveal
Some more amazing things about your sex appeal.
If the latter, well beware. Be careful what you share.
It’s not always wise to show just what it is you feel (in either sense).
It’s a different way of thinking that he brings to you
And imaginative ways inventing things to do,
And in New Level Results you’ll find a way that catapults
To greater heights, your inner self, once you have thought it through.
Young Graham tells some great tales of his cycling trips.
From his successes and his failures, he has lots of tips.
What you learn from hardships that’ll, like the imprint from his saddle,
Make a great impression on the way you cope with blips. (or dips)
So, be it image, your finances or your business sense,
There are benefits in coaching; there’s some recompense.
If you let these chances pass by simply parking on your “ass”
You’ll just be left alone there sitting on the fence.
for LDB, April 2018
For Mags Potter
Potters Business Support
Good morning. I’m with you again
To prove that the sword and the pen
Have a challenge ongoing.
A poem is flowing.
At the end, I’ll take marks out of 10.
Mags Potter is working away.
But before she left, asked me to say
A few words in her stead,
So I got out of bed (early!)
To bring you this short text array.
Now as far as I know she’s no kin
To that Harry, who has appeared in
That long series of tales,
With magnificent sales,
Where a magical world doth begin.
But her magic is finer by miles.
She writes letters, does sums, and sorts files.
And if you need time
She can organise fine
Your travel, events and those piles (of paperwork filling the desk).
If you have a team of old lags
Who keep records in old paper bags,
I’d suggest that you do
Seek a fresh point of view,
And I’d certainly recommend Mags.
She’ll potter (please pardon the pun)
Till she’s sorted your guff, and when done
You will see such a change
(So vast is her range)
That your office is easy to run.
So please don’t delay, make that call.
No task is too large or too small.
If you want your desks free,
Take this lesson from me,
And good luck, to one and to all.
for LDB, September 2018
For Helen Ford
Good morning. I’m back with a rhyme
For Qualitas (NorthWest) this time
At Helen’s request,
I’ll just do my best (at very short notice)
And I’ll hopefully finish by nine.
I’m here to plead Qualitas’ case,
To engage with you all face to face.
‘Cos it’s vital to know
You can happily show
That your own QMS is in place.
(… that’s Quality Management System for those who don’t know!)
These days on the vast global scale
A number of ISOs prevail.
Whatever you do
There’s an ISO for you.
She’ll help you on the quality trail.
Quality Management’s key
And good systems in place there must be.
Will keep you on station,
And give credence the client can see.
A certified QMS plan
Ensures all your processes can
Match all stakeholder’s aims,
Provide customers gains,
Whilst engaging the company man … and woman
So, though Helen Ford’s not here today
You really must not go away
Without noting her name,
She’s the tops in her game.
Just do it the Qualitas way.
for LDB, August 2019
For Martin Broadhead
ODE TO A SHREDDER
By Heather Carey, aged 49 & 4 days
I used to own a shredder,
To shred my paper trouble.
But instead of sorting documents,
Problems seemed to double.
At first it tried to do the job.
It churned and whirred
But the noise and mess
Did not impress,
And all my colleagues grumbled.
Undeterred, I carried on –
I fed it all my junk.
It chewed it up, it spat it out,
and then the thing went clunk.
It didn’t like the paperclips,
The staples or the card.
The chequebook was a ‘no no’ too.
Why is this task so hard?
And all irate and in state
I kicked the bloody shredder.
But kicking metal is unwise,
A silly thing to do,
Unless you want a broken toe
And a knackered shoe.
And so, dear friends, the moral of this tale…
If you need your paper gone,
Remember in your head –
All you need is Martin
And his Minishred.
for LDB, November 2021
Let’s Do Business – Lancashire’s b2b Networking Group
© Let’s Do Business 2017